with your own penis?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
