Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
