nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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