I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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