Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
