Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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