I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
