this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
