i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
