my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
