Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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