worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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