tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
