Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
