she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
