ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
