You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
