I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
