is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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