That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
