I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
