Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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