so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
