I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
