I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He passed out mid-signature
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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