I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
