i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
