Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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