So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
