apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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