it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
