I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
