hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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