walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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