i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
