Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
