Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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