I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize