I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
