That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
