I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
