Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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