i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
