He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
