i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize