FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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