just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
