O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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