From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
