I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
