Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
