I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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