dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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