the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
