i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
