I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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