Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So squirting runs in the family.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
