Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
