Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
