Apparently you make a good broom.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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