I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize