WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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