someone get that fucking seahorse.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
