cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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