I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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