4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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