Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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