if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
