We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
