First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
