hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
