do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
