Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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