how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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