okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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