I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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